I’m feeling more emotional than usual for this time of year, and I miss the happy excitement of the festive spirit that I usually enjoy in December.
In the last three years, my family has lost two loved ones. There’s only been one recent Christmas when we’ve not felt the stabbing grief of loss.
This year, my Grandad is in palliative care. He doesn’t want to be here with us anymore. We don’t know how much longer he’s got, but we know it isn’t long. It’s probable that we’ll lose him before Christmas day.
So again, we will be grieving together at Christmas time this year.
I know that Christmas isn’t a happy time for everyone and I have to make it clear that I’m so grateful for the many happy Christmas days I’ve had in my life. But this year my heart is heavy again.
I’m fortifying my soul for our impending loss. That means I’m trying not to dwell on the sadness I feel. I’m trying to relish the nostalgia that comes with my family’s traditions. As much as I can, I’m living through the young eyes of my excited son.
If you are finding this time of year hard on your heart, please know that this sadness will pass and all things will be new again soon. 2016 is not far away.
Make sure you reach out to hold someone’s hand. And cry as much as you need to – preferably on the shoulder of someone who loves you.