How to Pick a Narcissist

Part 2 of 5 – NPD series

 

I’m not claiming to be an expert on narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). I’ve simply learned a lot through experience, other people, and research.

For simplicity, I will describe the narcissist as a ‘he’, as it is men that most commonly have this disorder.

 

NPD defined

According to Wikipedia, people with NPD are characterised by ‘exaggerated feelings of self-importance’. They have a keen sense of entitlement and ‘demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behaviour’. They also have ‘a strong need for admiration but lack feelings of empathy’.

 

My experience against NPD traits

The website, Psych Central, states that to have NPD, a person must meet five or more of the following criteria. (Under each one, I describe how I observed it in the NPD person I encountered.)

* Has a grandiose sense of self-importance:

I was considered ‘less than’ him in all ways, as were many other people.

He thought himself more experienced in all areas of life.

If my views were different than his, he argued to change my mind. This often encompassed belittling.

* Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love:

He was a player. He said inappropriate, suggestive things. His conversation was sometimes provocative.

* Believes that he is special and unique:

A great many people made no sense to him. He considered most people to be fools. He considered himself different – better somehow.

* Requires excessive admiration:

He displayed his creative talent and loved the praise that resulted.

He required high fives for jokes but rarely doled them out.

He baited me into giving him compliments by projecting a low self-esteem. This gave him an ego boost.

He rarely gave me compliments and when he did, he had an ulterior motive.

* Has a strong sense of entitlement (unreasonable expectations and / or automatic compliance with his expectations)…

Even if he didn’t make his expectations known to me, I was still somehow required to measure up. There were so many invisible rules.

* Is exploitive of others:

He laughed often, at my expense and in company, and created ‘jokes’ that highlighted what he thought my character flaws were.

He called me names even though he told me not to name call.

He’d use personal information I’d given him and, in a power play, twist it to suit his agenda.

* Lacks empathy:

He had no room for understanding or compassion (although in the beginning, he made a great show of it). No amount of me apologising was ever enough. Everything I did, or said, was wrong.

* Is often envious of others

He masked his envy with jokes but underneath, jealously seethed.

* Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes:

There were always riddles I had to solve. If I didn’t understand something, he turned his explanation into a ‘lesson’. He wouldn’t give a simple explanation. I was treated like an idiot.

He never said things simply. I always had to read between the lines and would usually be admonished for not interpreting him correctly.

 

Do any of my examples strike a chord for you? You can take the Psyh Central’s quiz (either for yourself or, by entering another’s characteristics, to find out if someone you know may have NPD) here.

 

 

 

 

Jodie How

Jodie How

Jodie How is a writer who blogs about life, relationships, wellbeing and writing. She aspires to publish both fiction and biographical works.
Jodie How

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3 thoughts on “How to Pick a Narcissist”

  1. As NPD is mainly found in men, is this a trait that is found to be passed from father to son?Or is this a trait that is developed over time & has started from something tragic happening in “his” life to bring out NPD?

    1. I don’t know, sorry Sue. I didn’t look into the causes of NPD. But I’d be interested to know what the causes are!

  2. Fascinating topic Jodie. Narcissists can be so hard to spot, because they can disguise themselves so well! Often it’s not until they’ve “caught” you that they reveal their true characters : (

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